“I am a failure. This is never going to work.” This was going through my head. I had prayed so long and hard about finding my purpose, following God’s plan for my life. Now it seemed as though I must have heard Him wrong. Can that happen? Could I have actually misunderstood? But, I was so sure.
Have you ever felt this way?
God had been speaking to me for a long time, giving me a desire to speak to women, encourage women, be a leader and a cheerleader for people who needed one. I always had this dream, but there were a few problems. First, I had never had the opportunity to speak in front of people. Second, I was a total mess: I had been divorced, made poor choices, and been a victim of abuse. Who was I to speak to anyone?
Then, I got a new job.
At this job I did get to speak in front of people from time to time, and discovered that every time, I would break out in red splotches all over my face and neck. Hello, so embarrassing! I was definitely on the wrong path with this public speaking thing.
Then my employer hired a company to do public speaking and storytelling classes for us. Now I had the tools I needed and the opportunity to practice.
Am I a pro now? Definitely not. But I am following my heart's desire that God has given me. Also, it turns out all those experiences, bad and good, gave me a love for others and a connection with others, that I would have never had.
Sometimes life is like a puzzle.
God can see the finished product, but we are looking at one piece. There is nothing beautiful about that. It has ragged edges and doesn’t make any sense.
By itself it’s not anything.
However, when it is put in its context with all the other pieces, it makes a beautiful picture.
I still have days where I say I am a failure. The difference now is the minute I utter those words, God is right in my ear telling me “No you aren’t. I have your back.” When I say “This is never going to work,” He says “I can make anything work." Ephesians 1:11 says “All things are done according to God’s plan and decision; and God chose us to be his own people…”
I know God made me with purpose, and He chose me. I don’t know the whole plan, or what the puzzle will look like when it’s done, but I am listening everyday and trying my best to follow His will.
If you are at a place where you are feeling like the plan has failed and you don’t know your purpose, remember it’s God’s plan. He knows what He is doing. Even when it seems very improbable that those dreams we have will ever come to pass, don’t underestimate our God.